yang sama

si Gelisah mengatakan semua terlihat sempurna,
tak banyak yang berani berkata,
ataupun sekadar berbisik

angin yang sejuk, panas yang terik,
setia sekali menumpahkan curahan hatinya

sejuk yang di surga,
ternyata sama dengan neraka

aku mengerti jejak kaki mereka,
menancap pada tanah bertabur gelas runcing

si Gelisah bertanya,
"Sakitkah telapakmu yang berdarah-darah itu?"

kamu hanya tersenyum,
lalu berpaling dan tersedak

[s$t]
10/2008

"Talking Through the Door" (Rumi)

You said, "Who's at the door?"
   I said, "Your slave."

You said, "What do you want?"
   "To see you and bow."

"How long will you wait?"
   "Until you call"

"How long will you cook?"
   "Till the Resurrection."

We talked through the door. 
I claimed a great love and that I had given up
what the world gives to be in that love.

You said, "Such claims require a witness."
   I said, "This longing, these tears."

You said, "Discredited witnesses."
   I said, "Surely not!"

You said, "Who did you come with?"
   "The majestic imagination you gave me."

"Why did you come?"
   "The musk of your wine was in the air."

"What is your intention?"
   "Friendship."

"What do you want from me?"
   "Grace."

Then you asked, "Where have you been most comfortable?"
   "In the palace."

"What did you see there?"
   "Amazing things."

"Then why is it so desolate?"
   "Because all that can be taken away in a second."

"Who can do that?"
   "This clear discernment."

"Where can you live safely then?"
   "In surrender."

"What is this giving up?"
   "A peace that saves us."

"Is there no threat of disaster?"
   "Only what comes in your street, 
    inside your love."

"How do you walk there?"
   "In perfection."

Now silence. If I told more of this conversation,
those listening would leave themselves.

There would be no door,
no roof, or window either.

-RUMI, Selected Poems-

a smile for the restless

Our lives begin at that moment, 

as light and dark are at their peak,

as comfort turns into a muddle,

and heart memory collects its story.

One by one, 'they' leave 

Little by little, the 'i' shed skin.

Until there's nothing left to mourn.

Trying to show a portrait of 'self',

while hiding behind its own eyes.

Starting to crawl, struggling to walk

Turning our back against the coldness yet refreshing truth

Holding on tight to nothingness, 

while running, leaping, head first.

Letting go when need to, when knowing we have to, 

at our most painful.

The good lines, the fine words, the metaphors

Educate to medicate, a smile to plaster

Breathe to live...

For now, be enough...

Just enough.

[s$t]

question of truth

Once there was a question of who we are and what we do.
Every single thing we touched was determined by it.
How we do what we do, why we say what we say.
It started from question made up of the simplest words.

Until the answers (mis)lead you, 
further than you ever think possible, 
way further than you thought your imagination could reach.
And you're completely lost, you start looking back, asking questions, 
can't help but be frustrated of the details you've missed.

The monster you were supposed to see was an angel in every angle, 
no matter how many times it tried to reveal its true self.
What was good stayed good, what was bad turned good.
You always managed, somehow, to have yourself convinced.

"... hang on too much to one truth. 
When the truth knocks on your door, you shrug it away."

We stay the way we are. Stubbornly. Foolishly.
Our eyes may change, they dig deeper, 
they stare longer when no other eyes see, 
we search, we scrutinize. 
The heart, used to glow, 
breaks and tries to mend itself.

Time heals, they say, 
and yet the glow never quite returns to its form.
Always this subtle scent of doubt,
each time a familiar scene displays itself.

And so you hide with whatever's left of your heart, to its little corner.
Until you wake up, and realize that your only option is to make a leap.

A half, continually seeks wisdom out of life, 
appreciates the residue of pain,
accepting life's long journey as a way to recognise
its longing to find the other half.

And slowly, wistfully, it will return to its original state.
Nowhere near perfect, for it's unwise to ever expect for one.
But beautiful nonetheless.

Beauty in the wound that never heals,
in the heart that grows wiser,
in the eyes that convey the truth,
and in the warmest smile you would want to sink yourself in.
Because true love never fails. 

Have the heart to see light in the dimmest corner.
As in there, true angel lies.

 [s$t]

t.e.a.r.s

The wind blows my sanity away
Gasping for air,
hardly within my grasp

The chatters numb my heart
my brain refuses to cooperate

Let me know the end of tomorrow
Let me welcome it with open hands
What am I to this and that
My only option is to run away
My only wish is to run away

"To escape is not the way.
Face your fear."
The right thing to do
is least I want to do.
Leads me further from myself
just kill me with your thoughts.

Answer lies in the darkness
In the darkest spot of darkness
Where my feet bound and my hands cuffed

Closing my eyes, praying for pain to go away
Just a moment of peace
Not moving one inch, hoping for a bit of air
Let reality dissolve and leave me to breathe

[s$t]

Blurry Boundary

The challenge is to live,
Minutes to days,
As faithful as the hour.
To accept life's timing
as opposed to imposing your own

The challenge is to breathe
To infuse quality and stop the search for thrill
To create moments from details and not just events

Passion withers, unfaithful to time
Thoughts dither, renewed by questions

What tale do we live to tell?
Whose tale is worth the dime?

[s$t]