peaceful wish

"In essence, this whole world of ours is just a bit of mildew that grew over a tiny planet. And we think we can have something great - thoughts, deeds! They're all grains of sand.
Once you understand it clearly, everything somehow becomes insignificant.
Once you understand that you'll die today or tomorrow and there'll be nothing left, everything becomes so insignificant.

There's less charm in life when you think about death -but it's more peaceful."

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy.

sing-it insomnia

Staying awake cos they’re asleep.
Time don’t own me but my head does.

Best things in life aren’t things, they said.
Yet they forgot to be exact.

Am wide awake, eyes wide open.
Caffeine don’t work, drugs won’t kill me.

Laugh turns to dust when ego comes.
How time flies fast leaves us clueless.

September 2008,
]s$t[

blood and bite

My hands are cold
They’re going for the dead end
My time has (not) yet to come
and I can (not) wait for it too

Breathing effortlessly,
walking steadily
Fooling everyone as cleverly as you do you

Blood to replace tears
Bite to cover kisses
Day by day we’re playing with fears
Chasing dreams we believe will bring us bliss

To no avail…That is our life
Contemplating fate in exchange of "living"

July 2008,
]s$t[

just because...

because people are mean

because it’s easier to stay aloof and eccentric

because life is not always the same

because time runs slower than you expect but at the same time faster than you think

because the ones that you love won’t stay with you all the time

because world is crumbling under your feet

because the most beautiful thing in the world is the random one, ones that you can’t explain, that you don’t know how to describe, that you just somehow can’t put into words

because your mouth and lips aren’t made for nothing, and your hands aren’t created for idling, and your feet aren’t built for being still, and your brain isn’t set for reality solely.

because before the time comes it’s essential that you are familiar of both worlds, not just the real but also the unreal

because no matter how many times you try, things will just fail you

because every time you close your eyes and expect for eternity, there’s always a hammer that knocks you off and push you to the ground

because the angels aren’t just real but walking too

because you love with your hearts and not with neither words nor action

because if there’s one thing in the world that won’t fail you is the world itself

because trust me, none of you gets none of this.

because it doesn’t matter as nothing does anyway.

because only you and you alone that matters.

because only you know why.

and someone said "because what you think is your reality"

May 2008,
]s$t[

apa bisa kesepian datang dengan kesempurnaan paras? dengan maksud mulia? dengan senyuman tulus? apa mungkin lalu muncul rasa takut? berapa yang bisa menembus tawa dan melihat sinar mata? kemewahan dunia semata yang bisa dipegang dan dilempar. tak lebih dari itu…keyakinan abadi datang bersama awan gelap di otak mu, membusuk bersama tikus-tikus got yang takut akan cahaya. kamu berlari dan berlari, buta mu melindungi dari kenyataan yang lebih pedih daripada gelap. tak ada yang lebih dari itu…goresan tangan dan pegalnya kakimu tak terindah oleh penumpang roda. kamu menciptakan kata-kata dan kiasan-kiasan penuh omong kosong, selama masih berbentuk kata pikirmu.

tak pernah lebih dari itu.

sTuPid LiFe…hold out ur wrist n let me slit u slowly. then u’ll see how beautiful a red is.


September 2007,
s$t

meNjaHit jaNTuNg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pelan pelan aku jahit yang terus membuka,
tanganku bekerja, gigiku terus menggigit bibir, mataku memicing berkaca, tak hentinya aku menelan ludah…
tapi tetap saja dia mengalir dan pipiku pun lengket.

Sedikit lagi… sekali lagi… ini yang terakhir…

Dan aku terus menyemangati tanganku bekerja, sambil terus berharap ada yang menjagaku dari sana, melihat betapa letihnya, betapa perihnya…

Yang tidak pernah terucap kata-kata
akan menjadi bagian yang takkan seorang pun tahu
Rasa sakit yang kudekap erat
akan menjadi alarm ku setiap waktu

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

August 2007,
s$t

b.a.n.g.u.n.k.a.n.a.k.u

egois tingkat tinggi, tak ada yang menandingi.resah tiada henti mengharap ketulusan.memang kamu ada disana?benar-benar ada disana?semua yang dulunya angan hanya tinggal masa lalu.aku berubah, kamu berubah, kehidupan berubah.bersandar pada tembok dingin,bersila di kamar kosong.yang ‘aku’ lagi-lagi cuma bisa dikubur dalam-dalam.yang tak pernah berhenti memohon keluar.menangis dan menangis…melawan arus kehidupan tanpa harus menyakiti…apa salahnya menjadi diri sendiri? tidak ada kata mereka…

tapi………

June 2007,
]s$t[

}F...aR...{ aWaY..... {

i’m trying to follow your gaze,
keeping up with your thought,
figuring out how you’re feeling

you thought everything is simple and easy
that you need not to fight for anything

you feel everything is safe and secure
you’re creating your own nest and shell

i’m waiting at the edge,
waiting at your door
thinking twice before knocking

pride and prejudice all mixed in one
messed up my conscience, and i can’t decide which one rules

but everyday i’m awake with different mood, different judgment
so how can i make a choice?

then as the day is ending and it’s getting dark,
i grow even more sullen and crawl to my own nest, isolated
we’re separated by distance and space
and i can’t find a way to bring us closer together…

my mind wanders hopefully it cathes yours,
but i still can’t find you at the end of my journey…
please find me first…

if u want me to be here,
please find me first…
i promise i will be there.

June 2007

]s$t[

cycle of reality

Dear Masters of the World,

What if,

past equals to regrets.

present equals to idiocy.

future equals to hazard.

what does that become?

]st.quills[